DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 47 years. My wife has suffered from mental illness for more than half our marriage. Two years ago, she went off her medication, became manic for 10 months and was hospitalized four times. A few months later, it was discovered she had breast cancer. Fortunately, it was detected early. After surgery and radiation, she is cancer-free. I stuck with her through all that.
During her manic period, her actions toward me were just too much. I can never love her again or want her as my wife. She has taken up cigar smoking, and while she doesnÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t smoke in the house her clothes reek when she comes inside. IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m just her caretaker, and my life is miserable. I have worked hard and saved enough that even with half, she should be OK financially. We have three adult children.
Is it wrong that I want to get a divorce and be able to enjoy the time I have left on this planet? I fear shifting my burden to the kids. Your thoughts, please. ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” UNHAPPY IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR UNHAPPY: After 47 years, you have taken care of your wife through thick and thin. Because you have done well enough to ensure that she would be OK financially, I see no reason why you must remain in a marriage thatÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s unsalvageable. You have served your time. Now consult a lawyer about the logistics.
DEAR ABBY: My brother and my husband donÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t get along. Despite efforts on both sides to let go of past feelings, they canÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t seem to make it work. I have a very small family, just my parents and my brother.
We recently had our first child ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” my parentsÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™ first grandchild and my brotherÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s first nephew. My husband doesnÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t feel comfortable participating in family activities that my brother will attend. It has become a problem for holiday planning.
IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m torn about how to make both parties happy. If I opt to stay home and cook, I feel like I have to exclude my brother. If I choose to go to his house, IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m essentially ditching my husband on our holiday as a family. Is there a third option? Perhaps I could cook at home and meet them later for dessert? I just want everyone to be happy, and IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m not sure how to accomplish this. ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” STUCK IN THE MIDDLE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR STUCK: If your husband would be happier at home with the baby (or alone), I think your idea of joining your parents and brother for dessert is a good solution. Rifts like these are an unfortunate fact of life in some families, and in your case, everyone would be more comfortable without the tension your husbandÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s presence would cause.
DEAR ABBY: I gave my stepdaughter a blank check to pay for my wifeÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s birthday party. She consulted me about the choice of the restaurant but did not talk to me about anything else. She had dancers and a magician plus candy and special champagne for the guests to take home. The amount was far more than I expected. Does a blank check give one the permission to spend what they want? ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” OFF GUARD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR OFF GUARD: Yup. You bet it does. Rather than question your daughterÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s judgment, perhaps you should question your own.
Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
