DEAR ABBY: After six years of working closely together, I have developed a raging crush on my co-worker and project partner, ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥œBrett.ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥ ItÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s a full-on, face-flushing, daydreaming kind of situation, and itÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s super annoying. I know this crush is inappropriate and unreciprocated, and I have no intention of acting on it. We are both married, and I would like to stay that way. My strategy has been to spend less time together and work on not being a moron.
IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™ve changed my daily schedule so we donÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t overlap as often. When weÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™re traveling, I book different flights so weÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™re not together all day, etc. The issue now is that IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™ve heard from a different co-worker that Brett thinks IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m mad at him and that heÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s done something wrong, which is not the case. HeÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s great, always professional and very good at his job. I donÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t want to keep hurting his feelings, but thereÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s no way IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m going to tell him whatÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™s going on. Besides quitting or going on leave until I can get myself under control, what can I do? ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” STRICTLY BUSINESS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR STRICTLY: To discuss your crush with Brett would be not only embarrassing but also unprofessional. The co-worker who told you Brett thinks you are mad at him may have intended to be helpful, but unless Brett tells you himself, do not make excuses for distancing yourself. The surest way to get your crush under control is to keep reminding yourself that this kind of thing could destroy your career. That may work even better than a cold shower.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband was a teenager 20 years ago, he had a two-year online relationship with a girl who lives in Georgia. I know they met each other only a couple of times. We are all in our 30s now, and once in a great while, they contact each other by text or email.
I told him it bothers me that they keep in touch, especially when they say they miss each other. My husband tells me they were ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥œthere for each otherÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥ when they were younger. Recently, we took a road trip to Florida, and he wanted to stop off in Georgia to see her and so I could meet her. He says that because they never had sex, they werenÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t really ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥œgoing out.ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥ It seems my feelings about this friendship donÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t matter. Please advise me, Abby. ÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥” UNCERTAIN IN CHICAGO
DEAR UNCERTAIN: I will assume that you nixed the idea of the detour to Georgia. If IÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™m right, then I think you may have made a mistake. Your husband had a relationship with that girl when they were teenagers. It isnÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t surprising that the memory of it is important to both of them. You stated that they donÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t communicate often. How is that a threat to you? You wonÃÛÁÄÖ±²¥™t endear yourself to your spouse by keeping him on a short leash. Work on resolving your insecurities and loosen the reins. If you do, it will benefit your marriage.
Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
